I wept last night before I fell asleep. I watched the riots. I read comments on Facebook & Twitter. I was hurt. I was filled with despair. For the life of me, I can't understand why in 2020 we are still dealing with the same issues our ancestors dealt with. We live in a country whose very foundation was built on a system of racism. Racism and hatred are woven into the foundation of these United States of America. Racism and hatred are as bold now as it was back then. We don't see the white hoods, but we do see the white hoods. We don't see the crosses burning, but we do see the crosses burning. We don't see the hidden agendas, but we do see the hidden agendas.
So, I cried until I couldn't cry any more last night. I asked God, "What did black people do so wrong that we deserve to be treated like this? Why is our shade of melanin made to be out as murderers, animals, thieves, thugs, threats, and the like? Why are the blinders on the eyes of so many white Christians who worship and love the same God that we do? They say nothing. They do nothing. Help us! Arise, O God, and help us!" I cried and I prayed. I prayed and I cried last night. Bothered by the state this country is in. Bothered by the state this world is in. This is the world my children are growing up in. This is the world my black sons and daughters are going to fight to survive in. Where is the justice in that? We go to church. We love the Lord. We praise. We worship. We're respectful. We get degrees. We work hard to get everything we've got. And still, it's not good enough. And still, we are treated worse than those with pink melanin. And still, we are looked over for promotions. And still, we are killed while jogging. And still, we are killed while picking up a cell phone. And still, we are killed in a holding cell. And still...
So, yes, I'm angry like so many of my brothers and sisters. Yes, I would love to be out at a protest screaming from the top of my lungs, "Black Lives Matter." But that's not my way. That's the way of some of my brothers and sisters. While you all are on the frontlines of this battle. I'll be behind you praying for your safety. Praying for the kingdom of racism to fall down. Praying for the families and loved ones of so many we have lost to these senseless murderous acts. I understand why you're burning down buildings. I understand why you're setting cars on fire. I understand why you are looting. I understand, but that's not my way. I'll be behind you praying for your safety. Praying for God to come into the hearts of those whose heartbeat is hatred and bigotry. I understand why you hate police officers. I understand why you yell, scream, kick, and curse. But that's not my way. I'll be behind you praying for your safety. Praying for God to dismantle the entire "justice" system to rebuild it on the foundations of JUSTICE and RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Psalms 56: 1-13 HCSB
God, I know you love us all the same, but in times like this, it doesn't feel like it. God, I know vengeance is Yours, but in times like this, I want to take matters into my own hands. God, I know You said You would protect us on every side, but in times like this, where was the protection? God, I know You said You hear us when we cry out, but in times like this, where is Your face? Where are You? I'm trying to see You in this, but I can't find You. As I cried and prayed, I questioned the point of my faith like so many of you. I know it's hard to trust in God and have faith during times like these. But, I pose this question to you. What do you have to lose by still trusting and believing God can and will change things? I am a firm believer, but I have questions like so many of you. However, It's in time like these that you must strengthen your faith and not abandon it. So, God, collect these tears in Your bottle and record them in Your records for I know You are for us.